Missing My Boy. Again.

Me and Lucas on the carousel at Greenfield Village this summer.

Again with the missing my boy business. *sigh*  Last year I wrote a post about it when he was in Florida for two weeks. This year he’s going to be gone even longer, and it’s tough. I may seem all smiles, but inside I am dying for a hug from my boy.

It’s not fair. It’s not fair to me, nor is it fair to him. He’s far, far away in North Carolina, visiting his bio-father for 4 weeks. 4! That’s a long time for anyone to be away from someone they love, and an especially long time for a child to be away from his mother; his primary caregiver.

 

I was so torn this year. I wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t know whether to let him go to NC or not. He certainly didn’t want to go, but it seems that the opinion of a 5 year-old isn’t all that important to most adults. It matters to me and to my wonderful husband, but we’re pretty much the minority.
When I told the douchebag bio-father that Lucas didn’t want to go see him, his response was simply, “I don’t care about that.” Shrugging it off as a typical kid thing. No biggie. “He’ll get over it once he’s here” he said.  How does a parent just shrug off the feelings and opinions of their child?

Lucas was nervous and afraid and just not at all interested in going to NC, but I had to make him go because he’s only 5 and his opinions don’t hold water. Such bullshit. I hate feeling like the bad guy when all I’m trying to do is help him establish some kind of relationship with his bio-father. Not that his father deserves that, but who am I to make that judgment? I am certain that Lucas will learn the type of man his father is without any help from me, and one day he’ll thank me for it. I can only hope he learns his father’s true nature, and not a kid-friendly version of it.  Only time will tell, I suppose.

So right now he’s there and I’m here. I miss him so much. Luckily, it’s easy to go through the entire day, making sure I’m constantly distracted by something, just so I can’t even think for a minute about how much I miss my boy.
We’ve talked on the phone several times, and every time he sounds more and more sad. He tells me he wants to come home, and I don’t know what to say to him. I cannot just go pick him up. It’s not like NC is right around the corner from MI. And I can’t tell him that I’ll come get him because his bio-father wouldn’t stand for that even if I could just hop in the car and go get him.
I was so hoping that Lucas would get used to being there by the end of the first week, but he just seems to be getting more and more homesick.

My poor, sweet baby boy.

He’s not really sad here, just very serious. But honestly, how could you not miss that sweet face?

Some would say that a bit of adjustment from being out of his comfort zone is good for him, and maybe they’d be right; but I have a hard time believing that I should just ignore his pleas to come home. He’s not happy. Why should he be forced to be there if it’s not bringing him happiness? If it’s not building on his life experiences and making him a better person, why make him stay? Why make him go at all, for that matter?

But it’s a difficult situation because he’s only 5. That, and the fact that his bio-sperm-donor and I never married (Thank GOD!) and we don’t have any official, legal custody arrangements in place. We’re just trying to work together and avoid going to court. For me, it’s mainly because I don’t want to waste all that money on lawyers and stuff. For him, I’m starting to think it’s because he knows he doesn’t stand a chance at getting much custody legally, since he’s the one who left in the first place. Asshole.

Whatever. None of that changes how I’m feeling. Sad, miserable, depressed, worthless, guilty. Need I say more?  I’m so, so glad that this time is going by so quickly. As much as I love having a quiet house all day, and my hubby to myself all evening and night, I need my boy close to me.

That is where he belongs, and that is where he will be in 18 days. Snuggled up in my arms.

To top off my sadness, I discovered this amazing musical duo today, Renee & Jeremy, thanks to the lovely Mary Tyler Mom. This is one of the many songs I used to sing to Lucas when he was younger, and this video is just beautiful. I’m drowning in my tears over here, guys. 

Counting down the minutes~
Karin

 

 

 

 

About kantal113

I am a woman who just wants to share her crazy life with the rest of y’all. I am also a housekeeper, laundrette, babysitter, cook, teacher, caregiver, facilities manager, psychologist, and kisser-of-boo-boos. Better known as a mom.
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20 Responses to Missing My Boy. Again.

  1. Amanda says:

    :(
    I’m sorry that you’re feeling sad. I know how you feel, and I understand why you let him go with his father. I’m the same way with Arielle…(except her dad only lives 30 minutes away, not half a continent). I do it because I feel that she should be able to form her own opinion of her father, without the bias of how I feel about him.

    That being said, if Lucas is truly miserable, perhaps you should take it as a sign for future arrangements. Flying far away to be with someone he really doesn’t even know anymore might not be the best choice. If the douche wants to see him, he should be the one getting ripped away from his normal life to spend time with his spawn. He could take Lucas out during the day to spend time with him, drop him back off at your house and go alone to a hotel every night.

    Just a thought. I know that it’s not exactly what you and Chris would *love* but at least you could have Lucas at home every night without placing unnecessary stress on yourselves. Messy situations suck and I hope that the next few weeks go by quickly.

    xoxo
    Amanda

    • kantal113 says:

      Thanks, Amanda. The problem with the douche visiting here is that he doesn’t have the money for a hotel. He claims to be that broke, and I believe him. Right now he’s not even working.
      I just hope he sees what it does to Lucas, and actually takes his feelings into consideration in the future. But- if I know him, he’ll only think of himself.
      Thank you for reading and commenting. Your opinion means a lot to me. xoxo

  2. He’ll be home soon, mama. And someday he’ll love you even more for being so selfless.

  3. melanie says:

    im sad for you.. i really have no words :( cept i love you even tho i never see you!!

  4. Colleen says:

    This is very thought provoking. It leads me to think about my own situation.

    • kantal113 says:

      Thanks, Colleen. It’s a tough situation, for sure. I love my boy so much and I only want what’s best for him. I cannot let my feelings for his father cloud my judgment. I’m pretty confident that one day Lucas will realize the kind of man his father is, and he’ll thank me for allowing him to discover that on his own.
      Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment. :)

  5. katy says:

    I feel your sadness K. That face makes me miss him too. You are right, he will figure it out on his own and you will have not had to have done a thing. You gave him the opportunity. As long as he’s so loved by you, that is gift enough. can’t wait til he’s home with you!~

    • kantal113 says:

      Thank you, Katy. Your thoughts mean a lot to me. He is loved by me. Fiercely. I can’t wait til he’s home, either. On a positive note- I finally got to Skype with him today. It was so wonderful seeing his sweet smile! :) Thank you again for reading and commenting. xoxo

  6. T’hat sounds so hard. :( Hang in there. He knows you love him. You’re probably right that if you didn’t let him go visit his biological father, at some point way later he might be resentful of that fact. But, it’s hard if you truly don’t think he’s happy while there. I hope as he continues to grow you guys can find some peace with the situation!

    • kantal113 says:

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment! It’s been tough, but now that we’re down to the last week, I’m okay. And he seems happy there. Whenever we talk on Skype he’s smiling and talkative. I do think that things will work out for the best, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time.
      Thank you again!

  7. I am so sorry–he IS such a sweetheart and I hate this situation for you! I also feel guilty about joking about how happy I am that my kids are finally back in school…I should appreciate them even when they are destroying themselves and others! Now that I am looking at those dates, I am guessing he is home now or at least will be soon (I am clearly no mathematician!), right? If not, hang in there…if so, enjoy every minute and thank you for reminding me to appreciate mine!

  8. April says:

    Oh My! I cannot imagine how hard it is to be away from your son for FOUR! 4! weeks. I miss my boy when I go to the grocery! I’m sure it brought solace to know ‘he got used to it’ but I am sure you never did! Motherhood: nothing sends your heart in to overoload like it.

    • kantal113 says:

      Thank you, April! He did do okay, but doesn’t really want to do it again. It makes me so sad too, because his father is absent most of the time, then he shows up randomly and expects Lucas to just get all excited.
      Lucas came home on August 12th, and his father has yet to call to talk to him. No Skype, no phone calls, no mail, nothing. I wish he understood what that does to Lucas.
      Thank you again for reading and commenting!

  9. So sad!! Well, looking at the date i see that by now he’s home and within a hugs reach. :)

    • kantal113 says:

      Yep. We survived. He eventually got used to being there and even had some fun. He came home and adjusted right away. We were so overjoyed to have him back, and he was giddy with happiness to be home. Thank you for reading and commenting. :)

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